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"A Dose of Doctor Dog" book cover. Never go out without your sunblock!

Babette Cole's Doctor Dog books are amongst Charlotte's all time favourite books. We've often wondered whether we'd get to find out what happened next to the Gumboyles and their very talented medical pooch.

Wonder no more because, as it said on @babettecole's twitter feed this morning:

"just finished new dummy 4 Dr Dog Health&Fitness Unleashed It is very funny meet the Gumboyles hated neighbours The Ulcers.Scumball match 2!"

Good news? Great news!!! Charlotte is probably going to explode when she finds out. But she'll still be wondering about Mrs Doctor Dog... :)

Read our slightly gushing and enthusiastic reviews for Doctor Dog (a book of the week!) and A Dose of Doctor Dog via those lovely links.

Oh dear. Here we go again. Remember I told you how disappointed Charlotte was with Oliver Jeffers' previous "Hueys" book "The New Jumper"? I tried, I implored, I begged and I pleaded but no amount of reading and re-reading could get her to love it.

Here we are with the second book featuring Jeffers' quietly engaging and funny characters "It Wasn't Me" and Charlotte still doesn't like them.

I also expected (and wanted) to love this book. Like its predecessor, there's the quietly subtle message underpinning the interaction between the (now multicoloured) Hueys. An argument breaks out, and there's lots of shouting and unpleasantness - but it takes an outside observer to ask the most important question, "what on earth was the disagreement about in the first place?"

...and - well that's it really. Perhaps again like before, Charlotte perhaps expected the in-depth hook of Jeffers' beautifully painted "Lost and Found" and "The Way Home". Perhaps she expected a bit of zany surreality, "Book Eating Boy" style. But she really couldn't get into The Hueys and I think though I was quite charmed by the first book, this seemed to be over and done with too quickly even to convey the message at its heart. Perhaps we're missing something - we'd really love to hear from folk who did pick up on what we missed, please do drop a comment below if so.

For us though - A third Hueys book? We'll pass thanks, alas.

Charlotte's best bit: Tiny glimmer of a smile at the different Huey neckties.

Daddy's favourite bit: I so wanted to like this, to love it even but it felt like it was too short and sweet to get its dinky little Huey teeth into us. Very great shame.

(Kindly sent to us for review by HarperCollins Children's Books)

We love following the exploits of her wonderful dog Plum on The Plumdog Blog (if you haven't discovered it yet, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!) so any new books from Emma Chichester-Clark are always cause for celebration.

We're relative newbs and green around the gills so you'll have to forgive us for never coming across the Blue Kangaroo books before. We are so happy we have now though, as they're fantastic - and in this tale "Come to School Too, Blue Kangaroo" - Kangaroo's owner Lily is off to a new school for the first time.

She decides to take Blue along with her. Blue is very excited about school and all the things there are to do, new faces to meet, and new experiences but Lily is rather worried that blue might be frightened, might get bored, might be too shy to say hello to anyone.

Soon Lily is wrapped up in the busy school day, and Blue rather thoughtfully watches from the windowsill as Lily enjoys painting, playing and (the best bit of any school day) story time.

When hometime comes, Lily is so excited about her day that the unthinkable happens. Poor Blue Kangaroo gets left at school all on his own. But not to worry, Blue is happy because now he'll get to do all the things Lily did during her fantastic school day!

We'll leave the rest for you to discover, but we're absolutely committed to checking out the rest of the Lily and Blue Kangaroo adventures. I loved the way Lily 'spoke' through Blue, expressing her own fears and anxieties about starting school but shifting them onto Blue (who, rather jauntily, wasn't worried about any of those things at all!)

We've seen many 'first day at school' books on the blog but this is by far the best of the bunch. Beautifully drawn (we expect no less from Emma, she rocks!), beautifully told - a really classy book all round. More Blue Kangaroo soon please!

Charlotte's best bit: She loved matching Blue's paintings to the children who were in Lily's class.

Daddy's favourite bit: Blue being very brave about his first day at school.

(Kindly sent to us for review by HarperCollins Children's Books)

We'd heard lots of praise being heaped on this book before we finally spotted it in the library stacks, so we had to check it out.

It's very easy to see why it's such a big hit, what a lovely book! Meggie Moon tells the story of two scruffy little kickabout boys (you know the sort, they're the ones that are always out in the street kicking a ball against your wall till 10pm most summer nights!) who play every day on a local piece of wasteland. Bored and kicking their heels around amongst the trash, the boys are surprised one day when a girl comes into the yard.

Meggie Moon is her name - and though the boys take an instant dislike to her ("A Girl! UGH!") Meggie soon finds a brilliant way to win them over.

Meggie has a fantastic imagination, and knows how to turn trash piles into interesting and cool things. One day she makes a racing car, the next day she makes a fabulous pirate ship, and after that a fantastic den. Meggie is soon firm friends with the boys. But summer friendships don't always last forever and Meggie soon has to leave.

But when she does, she leaves something behind. Something the boys can remember her by and something that means they'll change too. A love of making things, and that vibrant imagination of Meggie's stays behind even though she doesn't.

It's a fantastic, celebratory story that says "Never judge a book by its cover". It's great to see a girl with glasses as the 'hero' here too. We love you, Meggie Moon!

Charlotte's Best Bit: The fabulous den the kids make.

Daddy's favourite bit: A charming story, great for early readers like Charlotte and so very nice to see a girl hero that's a fair break from the norm too.

Hedgehog Books, Penrith - An aladdin's cave of booky goodness!

For this week's #ReadItMD13 theme week we thought we'd take a look at beautiful bookshops! There are many reasons why we champion them in a climate where quite often they're overlooked and struggling to stay afloat (amongst others, they pay their taxes!) . Why are they worth shouting from the rooftops about when they're not always the cheapest option?

It's not just about the price of books, it's about the customer service you'll often find in your local independent bookseller. A chance to meet knowledgeable staff who love books as much as you do and quite often (if you're a regular) get to know what you like and what to recommend to you. Local indies always have something going on with various author events and book celebrations throughout the year, a great chance to meet other bookfolk! Above all though there's that unmatched feeling when you walk into a book store of not knowing what to look at first and that's the buzz that means we can barely pass one by.

Recommendations-wise, we've tipped our hat at the top of this article to Hedgehog Bookshop in Penrith. Not exactly our local but they have a mail order service and go above and beyond to source books that aren't always easy to come by. Looking at the photos of the store, we'd definitely be popping in if we're ever in the vicinity.

More local to us, we've championed our fantastic local indies quite often.

Mostly Books - No longer "Black Books" it's all decked out in lovely green paint now

Mostly Books (in Stert St, Abingdon, Oxon) is another place that wows the minute you step inside the door. I'm often shuffled through the adult book section at the front of the store to the cosy nook out back where all the children's books are lined up along the walls. Often there are colouring sheets and activities tucked away out there too. For a small store, it's surprisingly well stocked and Mark Thornton (the shop owner) runs an entertaining blog and twitter feed to keep us local yokels informed. Like most local independent bookshops, Mostly Books often stocks fantastic local books about Abingdon and its rich and varied history. Definitely worth popping in, not just for the brilliant children's book selection but for all manner of books of local interest.

The Abingdon Bookstore

We're also lucky enough to have The Abingdon Bookstore nestling amongst the chain stores in our local precinct. Again it's a fairly small store but has a great selection of children's books - and always has some great 'seasonal' window displays.

We'd love to see photos or links to your local indies. Drop a comment at the bottom of this article and join us celebrating why indies are so vital to keeping us all stocked up with lovely lovely books!

Further reading and more links!

The Letterbox Library - Our fave booksellers of brilliant diverse and inclusive books

Barefoot Books - Vibrant books, and a brilliant store in Summertown, Oxford

City Books in Hove - Brighton and Hove's liveliest and largest indie bookshop

The Golden Treasury - London's largest independent bookshop

After our circus-themed book of the week, let's stay with circuses for the moment with a look at Big Top Benn.

David McKee's timeless bowler-hatted hero has been around for well over 40 years now - and this book was first published when Mr Benn was the preferred teatime viewing for me, as I wolfed down marmite sandwiches and drank nesquick as a kid.

Introducing Charlotte to 'old telly' is always quite amusing. Some she's entranced by, some she doesn't quite get but in the case of Mr Benn here's a character that felt familiar to her, mainly because we've loved so many of David McKee's other books anyway - so she knew the art style, and knew the sort of antics Mr Benn would get up to even before I showed her clips from the show on YouTube.

In this tale, Mr Benn wakes up on a noisy summer's morning wondering where the little costume shop on the corner of Festive Road will take him. He feels light hearted and wants something fun but still full of adventure.

The fez-wearing shop owner (who made Fezzes cool way before the 11th Doctor did!) shows Mr Benn a costume that's too big, with huge floppy shoes and a rather battered hat. It's only when the shop owner hands over a bright red nose that Mr Benn understands. Today's adventure will let him be a clown in a circus, hooray!

Setting off in a rather strange car waiting just the other side of the dressing room door, Mr Benn soon finds the other members of the circus running into all sorts of difficulties before they reach the next town. With the aid of a friend from a previous adventure, the rather scary looking Smasher, Mr Benn soon gets the circus on its way again - but can he do a brilliant turn as a clown for the final show?

You'll have to read the book to find out. McKee's trademark colours and brilliant characters are all in the book, and there's some great black-and-white linework too. I still think Mr Benn is one of those children's characters that has appeal right down the generations. A great book and a brilliant trip down memory lane.

Charlotte's best bit: The wonderful trapeze artists, so delicate and lithe

Daddy's favourite bit: The Shopkeeper's brilliant turn as a magician. Pif, Paf, Pouf!

Roll up, roll up! Enjoy the thrills and spills of the circus in this utterly fantastic book from James Mayhew and Clara Vulliamy. Plop on your top hat, shrug on your red coat and tails and shout from the very top of the Big Top itself - "Bubble and Squeak" are here!

Bubble is an extremely talented (and Charlotte says "Very beautiful!") Elephant who is the star of the show at the circus. People (and even bunnies!) travel from far and wide to see Bubble perform her star-studded circus extravaganza and feats of derring do as she dances and balances with great expertise for the delectation of the ladies and gentlemen present.

Away from the spotlight though, Bubble finds life a little on the lonely side. Though the circus is amazing and life is hectic, all alone in her trailer Bubble longs for a very special friend.

The lure of the circus is all too much for the other star of this book, a young mouse who loves watching Bubble's fantastic balancing act. Stealing into the big top, Squeak loves the sights and the sounds of the circus and Bubble in particular. But is the circus really any place for a mouse? The ringmaster, the clowns and the other circus performers don't think so and always chase Squeak away.

Sometimes though, great acts of heroism come from the most unexpected quarters so when a calamitous  turn of events threatens to pulverise the "Pyramid of Peril" - Bubble's signature act, there's only one person (or rather mouse) who can save the day.

As we've mentioned before this week on the blog, we see a lot of stories that deal with friendship but rarely are they as stylish, as exciting and as touching as "Bubble and Squeak". Clara Vulliamy's art instantly makes any book feel like it's destined to become a well-loved classic and James Mayhew has a knack for keeping children firmly on the edge of their seats. Charlotte reminded me that the book made her think of Disney's "Dumbo" when there's the exciting sequence with the clowns and the burning building, in which Dumbo first reveals his rather special talent.

We liked this better though, and there's absolutely no doubt in our mind that it's a thoroughly well deserved book of the week. We've read it again and again, and rather hope that Bubble and Squeak are ripe and ready for an encore very very soon indeed.

Charlotte's best bit: She got so excited about spotting certain bunnies in the audience of this that she hopped up and down on the spot (rather like an over-excited bunny!) Nice work!

Daddy's favourite bit: Superbly paced, lots of touching moments and utterly delectable artwork. A book it's nigh on impossible not to love!

(Kindly sent to us for review by Orchard Books)

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We all know the classic tale of The Three Little Pigs but what exactly did those little fellows get up to once they'd vanquished the big bad wolf?

In Jonathan Emmett and Steve Cox's excellent little book we find out what happens when the pigs enter the great 'Pie in the Sky Air Race' while waiting in the wings, a revenge-obsessed wolf wants to pay those little piggies back once and for all.

Still nursing a rather burnt bum, the wolf hatches a nefarious plan or two to scupper each little pig's efforts to build and fly a prize-winning plane.

The pigs aren't the brightest spanners in the toolbox (bar one, who is obviously a civil and mechanical engineering genius!). So one pig builds his plane out of straw, one builds his out of sticks and the smart one builds his out of bri...er I mean metal.

Come the day of the race, the pigs line up with the wolf who wheels out a rather sleek and dangerous-looking Saab Viggen-alike. They take off, with the roars of the crowds echoing in their ears but wolfie's nefarious plans mean the steel plane has no fuel, the straw plane is destroyed when wolfie flies through it, and the stick plane barely chugs into the sky before it too is ruined.

Can the three little pigs bounce back and win the day? Or will the wolf claim the prize and snaffle the pigs as dessert?

This book is brilliantly paced, full of excitement and a fitting way to revisit well loved characters with a couple of new wrinkles thrown into the mix. We loved the planes (we'd just been watching Porco Rosso when we grabbed this from the library so Charlotte's going through a bit of a 'plane obsessive' phase!) and we almost felt sorry for the wolf at times, I mean who wants to spend the rest of their days rubbing oinkment on a charred bottom?

Charlotte's best bit: Wolf flying through one piggy's plane at Mach 3. Ker-BOOM!

Daddy's favourite bit: What "The Barrel" does on the smart piggy's plane. No spoilers!

Not everyone likes it when Anthony Browne's books stray away from the cuddly and colourful "Willy"  and "Gorilla" style books into darker territory. One of the most disturbing children's books in Browne's back catalogue, "The Tunnel" is echoed here in "Into the Forest" as once again Browne lets his surreal art style and darkly tinged imagination run riot with classic fairy tale characters.

With familiar tones, a young boy decides to visit his grandmother, armed with some treats for her. He is warned by his mother to go the long way to Grandma's house, and to stay away from the forest path - even though it's a short cut.

Like most boys, the hero of this story doesn't listen to his mum's sound advice and soon discovers that there's more than one dark presence lurking between the trees.

Browne's visual style means that you could spend all day with the book just marvelling at the hidden details and the 'things' that you can pick out amongst the gnarled tree trunks and dark knolls he's so expert at depicting. There is a moral lesson to the tale, which borrows heavily from all manner of Hans Christian Andersen stories and other classic sources.

We loved this book, but kept it well away from bed-times!

Charlotte's best bit: Her sharp little eyes were able to pick out far more details in the forest than I could spot. Absolutely loved finding all the hidden objects and characters.

Daddy's favourite bit: Browne is a master of storytelling whether he's dealing with light airy subjects, funny characters - or like here with sinister and foreboding tales that warn of danger and darkness. Utterly compelling.

Time to go en pointe with Ballet Kitty as she joins her best friends Princess Pussycat and Ginger Tom for their very first ballet class.

Kitty and Princess deck themselves out in their best ballet outfits, but poor Ginger Tom doesn't have anything special to wear. He comes along in his PE Kit and big clumpy trainers!

For ballet-obsessed kids (like Charlotte) this is a great little story and a neat addition to the "Ballet Kitty" range of books that have become quite popular as a slightly less saccharine alternative to Angelina Ballerina.

The best bit about the book is that there's a boy in Ballet Class and Ginger Tom is as full of enthusiasm and energy, and wants to dance his heart out just like the girls do! Hooray!

Though Kitty and Princess don't really like Tom's approach, and his tendency to jazz up his moves with street-dance stuff, soon they realise that he is enjoying himself and he's as happy as - well a cat in a ballet class can be! That enthusiasm and energy rubs off and all three can't wait till their next class.

A great little story, fantastic illustrations and perfect for girls (or boys) who know their pas de deuxs from their Demi Detournees

Charlotte's best bit: Princess Pussycat (she is me!) and Ballet Kitty's lovely ballet outfits

Daddy's favourite bit: Great to see boys included in a ballet story. Nice one Bernette and Sam!

The lovely Hannah Ensor got in touch with ReadItDaddy to tell us all about her fantastic children's books and has very kindly sent us one to take a look at.

"Welly Walks" is the simple but celebratory story of two young children who enjoy a day out, having fun splashing around in puddles and playing with water. We love a good welly walk ourselves, but Hannah's book aims to show that you can have fun whether you're in wellies or on wheels.

Hannah lives with HMS/EDS (being far too bendy and falling apart) and POTS (tap-dancing heart and appearing drunk without alcohol) and, as her fantastic website 'Stickman Communications' says, having a great set of wheels to get around on definitely helps!

Charlotte loves history! At risk of sounding like one of those horribly pushy parents who will try and convince you that their tiny toddler is well versed in the machinations of ancient Mesopotamia, or is fully knowledgeable about Ancient Greece, Charlotte really does love history. So when the lovely Caroline Lawrence offered us the chance to combine this love of history with a goodly dose of Roman life, wrapped up in an exciting (and quite scary) story, how could we possibly resist?

"The Sewer Demon" is one of many books in Caroline's utterly fantastic "Roman Mysteries" books. In this particular story we meet Threptus, a young boy who ekes out a living on the streets of Rome, begging and performing odd jobs while constantly living on his wits.

Avoiding bullies, and becoming embroiled in a rather intriguing mystery, Threptus is an instantly engaging character that, despite the time and setting of the novel, children will really bond with and perhaps even identify with.

Threptus is drawn into solving the rather spooky case of a rich woman's house, haunted by a nefarious midnight visitor. Locals all speak of a demon but is there more to the mystery than meets the eye, and can Threptus' keen mind and quick wits see through to what's really going on?

Though technically these books are probably a little 'old' for Charlotte, reading them to her in bite-sized chunks was brilliant. With a heady mix of fact and fiction, we get to know a lot more about Ancient Rome and the day-to-day life of an empire that once spanned the globe.

The great thing about the Roman Mysteries books is that we can dive out to any of the history books and encyclopaedias we keep at home and find the real-life counterparts of what Caroline so expertly describes in her stories. Once again, this mixing of stories with fact makes the books absolutely perfect for school but for us, utterly addictive for home too.

It's not hard to see why the "Roman Mysteries" series is so popular. Popular enough, in fact, to have spawned a CBBC TV Series which we hadn't even picked up on but really must sit down and watch more of. Here's a clip.


There's also an accompanying site for Caroline's brilliant books and characters.

http://www.romanmysteries.com

For now, we'll be diving back in to Threptus' world very soon indeed. Fortes Fortuna Iuvat!

Charlotte's best bit: Some rather lovely descriptions of Roman food (Honey cakes make MY stomach rumble too!) and some great scary bits! Romans were a very superstitious lot :)

Daddy's favourite bit: Beautifully descriptive language and some brilliant hooks in "The Sewer Demon" to serve as a lure to investigate the scintillating subject of Ancient Rome further. Fab-u-LOUS!

(Kindly sent to us for review by Caroline Lawrence / Orion Children's Books)

It's World Book Night and to celebrate, our fabulous friends over at Top That! Publishing have released a trio of fabulous apps for your iPad from the 23rd to the 24th April. The details are below:

It's still a little early for Father's Day yet (in the UK it's on Sunday June 16th Folks, but various territories have it on different days). Nevertheless, it's never too early to celebrate dads (and mums) so here's a charming little book from two giants in children's picture books.

Giles (Pants) Andreae and Emma (Cinderelephant) Dodd are an awesome match, and this book celebrates all the things that are great about dads, and being a dad.

Shoulder carries, water fights, lulling you to sleep with a story (sounds familiar!) or perhaps tuning up the air guitar for a rock-out marathon on a sunday afternoon when mum's out of the house, it's brilliant being a dad and just so mums don't feel completely left out, there's an accompanying "I Love My Mummy" book by this immensely talented duo too!

Brilliant for younger children, but also very much appreciated by Charlotte (and her daddy of course!)

Charlotte's best bit: Daddy's terrible singing and air guitar playing (very much like ReadItDaddy's!)

Daddy's favourite bit: Nice to see 'being silly' being celebrated. This happens a lot at home!

(Kindly sent to us for review by Orchard Books)

You would not BELIEVE how much there is to do on Dinosaur Farm. In Fran Preston Gannon's rather nifty little book we get to share the day with Farmer Jack on his Dinosaur Farm, and learn about all the things that need to be done to help grow and nurture happy healthy dinosaurs.

Farmer Jack is a rather jolly soul (so beautifully painted and his expressions are fantastic) who sets about his duties with a smile on his face and an ever-present stalk of straw hanging from his bottom lip.

So what's first? Sorting out the Pterodactyl eggs? Mucking out the Brontosauruses? (ew, that's a big job, quite literally!)

Poor Farmer Jack is frazzled by the end of the day, but in this humorous tale we often find out that someone else's life might look a lot of fun, but is probably a heck of a lot of work!

Frann Preston Gannon's gentle storytelling style, interesting plots and fantastic artwork set this book a cut above the usual dino-based fare. It's very easy to see why Frann won a Sendak Fellowship and got to study with the great Maurice Sendak himself.

A fantastic book. If you share your home with a dino-obsessed youngster (like I do) then this is going to be an instant win!

Charlotte's best bit: Awww the triceratops are so cute (Her words not mine!)

Daddy's favourite bit: Such utterly fantastic illustration work and a superbly presented book. An absolute MUST for kids who love their dinos!

(Kindly sent to us for review by Pavilion Books)

Lately on the blog we've noticed we're seeing a heck of a lot of 'friend' books. Books that deal with friendship and what happens when friends fall out, but realise they can't really do without each other. Off the top of my head I can think of at least five, so any new ones have got to work hard to catch our attention and spur our imagination.

Which is exactly what Tom Percival's "Jack's Amazing Shadow" does. Jack, a fairly ordinary young boy (with a KILLER haircut, we have to say!) plays all day with his rather mischievous shadow. Wherever Jack goes, his shadow goes. If Jack jumps, his shadow does, and if Jack cheekily sticks out his tongue, his shadow does too.

The only problem is that Jack's shadow is very very naughty indeed! Preferring mischief over good behaviour, Jack finally gets a little bit fed up of his shadow's antics and tries his very best to run away. But (as the old saying goes) you can't run away from your shadow and it takes some stern words from Jack to finally get his shadow to stop bugging him and stop causing trouble.

Of course, life without a shadow can get very lonely indeed so it's not very long before Jack realises the error of his ways. What can he possibly do to lure his shadow back?

The answer, of course, nestles within the pages of this rather stylish book. Fast-paced, nicely illustrated and adding a few twists and quirks to a story that is becoming more and more popular, Jack's Amazing Shadow is indeed amazing. If your child is at the stage where they're making friendships / breaking friendships almost on a daily basis, they'll enjoy the life lesson in this, and perhaps they might even learn how to make some really cool shadows of their own along the way, thanks to the book's rather handy hints!

Charlotte's best bit: Learning how to make shadow animals!

Daddy's favourite bit: The friendship formula is very well worn, it's nice to see an interesting quirky take on it. Nice one Tom!

(Kindly sent to us for review by Pavilion Books)

We wanted to do something creative to celebrate Dirty Bertie's 10th birthday (or should that be "Bert-day"). In honour of the latest Dirty Bertie picture book "Pooh, is that you Bertie?" by David Roberts, we've compiled a list of "Bertie's Top 10 Trumps" - or ways to effectively focus your flatulence.

Here are 10 foods that are guaranteed to have you flumping and trumping long, loud and proud!

1) Baked Beans. 



They're tasty on toast but watch out for the after effects. Tangy tomato sauce can't mask the apocalyptic trumping that these beauties induce. Variously described as 'skinheads on a raft' by children of a certain generation, they're guaranteed to ensure a good trouser rumble.

Pong Rating - 3 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 4 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 4 out of 5

2) Haggis.

It'll put the wind up your kilt, Haggis may sound like it has a pretty yucky set of ingredients but it tastes fantastic (particularly with ketchup or with lollies found on the floor as a side dish).
The vegetarian version (yes, there is one!) is even more lethal due to the presence of lentils. More on those later!



Pong Rating - 5 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 2 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 2 out of 5

3) Jerusalem Artichokes. 

These should appeal to any budding Dirty Bertie wannabes, as they look like they've just been dug out of the garden. In fact, they have - they're a root vegetable with a super-secret superpower - the ability to blow a hole in your underpants. They don't really taste of much (they're a bit like a mashed turnip), and you probably won't feel the effects for a wee while but once these babies get to work, you'll need to open all the windows and plug your ears. They're titanic trumpers!



Pong Rating - 4 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 4 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 4 out of 5

4) Meringues.

Sweet and tempting but don't be fooled by these airy little desserts, they pack a pumping-trumping punch! The presence of whipped egg whites, a lot of air and the temptation to eat more than one does mean they're deceptively inoffensive to look at but will deliver a death blow to your nostrils. Pe-eewww sir!






Pong Rating - 5 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 3 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 4 out of 5

5) Spicy Beanburgers

When is a burger not a burger? When it's beany! Sneak in some fibre into your child's diet with something that looks like junk food but is utterly (and quite disgustingly) healthy. But be ready with a peg on your nose, spicy beanburgers produce clouds of green and offensive gas that you'll find very difficult to blame on the cat (Because no cat alive would touch one of these with a barge pole)




Pong Rating - 5 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 2 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 3 out of 5

6) Jacket Potatoes

Fine on their own, lovely with butter but don't be fooled by this relatively healthy and easily prepared teatime treat, trumps-a-plenty will ensue as the evening progresses after a hearty meal of these.

Fillings can also add to the ferocity of the flumps. Try Bertie's own recommendation of combining Tuna, Jelly Beans and Cheese and Onion Crisps lightly crumbled on top for added effect.






Pong Rating - 4 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 3 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 4 out of 5 (but only with the aforementioned toppings - or perhaps marmalade!)

7) Dog Biscuits

These should only be consumed when Mum and Dad aren't looking. Full of goodness, full of fibre, full of marrowbone jelly to ensure your hair is glossy and well kept.

The green ones taste like green opal fruits. True fact!







Pong Rating - 2 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 2 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 4 out of 5


8) Grandma's Sherry Trifle

Another slightly naughty one depending on how naughty Grandma is with the sherry, but more than one bowlful of this potent dessert is definitely not recommended!

Flumps ensue due to the high sponge content and whipped topping (which may or may not be cream). Definitely do not attempt to ride your tricycle after eating this either.



Pong Rating - 2 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 3 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 2 out of 5


9) Prunes

Not sure these should be included on the list because if Bertie is anything like any child ever born, they would never consider these to be a foodstuff. An interesting thing to fire from a catapult perhaps, or something to sneak into your sister's bed to make her think she's been visited by a gigantic pooping rabbit, but definitely not food.







Pong Rating - 2 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 2 out of 5
Bertie Bot-Score - 0 out of 5, I'm not eating those!


10) Dandelion and Burdock

Last but by no means least, something to wash all that flatulent flumpy fare down with sir? But of course! And what better drink than Dandelion and Burdock which has the added bonus of working at both ends. Colossal burps followed by tweet-like trumps from this dark, delicious and gassy drink. Cheers!






Pong Rating - 3 out of 5
Deathly Decibels - 10 out of 5 (because both ends go at once!)
Bertie Bot-Score - 4 out of 5

DISCLAIMER!

We at ReadItDaddy take no responsibility for the after effects produced by these foods. We recommend trying them in a well-ventilated room, possibly with pegs (for the nose) to hand, and definitely not to be tried 5 minutes before Daddy's boss is due to arrive to talk about a new contract. 

Happy Trumping!

"Pooh, is that You Bertie?" by David Roberts is available from Little Tiger Press